My previous post conveyed my purpose of not being liked but of being love. I have to admit that I spoke, first, about external avenues of love because it took me longer to understand how to have and then embrace an/the internal love for myself (aside from the indwelling of the Holy Spirit; yeah, there goes that emotional and fleshly cycle unfolding). Loving myself/ourselves is complicated because we tend to idealize love. Living in the purpose of love (when hated) presents us with the fortitude and necessary power of decision making and how that can positively and/or negatively affect how we feel about others and even & especially ourselves. There is dynamic peace when your head and heart agree.
For those who have been following me on this sharing journey, you all know that I had a difficult and frustrating time during my initial undergraduate experience. I wanted to come back and share more on that. I did learn from that experience and unlike the belief that I held while I was there, I can say now that finishing what I started will be a beautiful accomplishment for me to experience.
Previously, (while I was in the situation) I felt such a heaviness about school and how I thought I wasn’t learning anything while I was there. I felt unsatisfied and miserable and had no idea of really why and definitely no idea of how to change that feeling. Four years is a long enough time to recognize unproductive patterns but it wasn’t long enough for me to learn, where I was (be that: mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, socially, etc.). I think I tried to separate learning about my self from the experience of what was being taught to me in a classroom. I failed to realize both are necessary and were being done simultaneously. In hindsight, I think I was unable to take advantage of what was before me because I didn’t consider it something to take advantage of. Talk about, being consumed and all in your feelings and what that can sometimes mean from progress. It really is all about one’s perspective. Although, I don’t subscribe to the “seeing is believing” concept, (I’ll blog about that soon enough) what and how we see holds great importance.
Go check out my friend’s website: http://www.simplychane.com. I’m sure that it will bless you as it has been and continues to be a blessing to me. I direct you there because she posted a video entitled, “PURPOSE IN THE PROCESS” and it will suggest the lessons we can gain as our perspective unravels and points to our position once we are out of the middle of the process.
Much like my friend’s experience, I had friends and mentors who gave encouragement and correction when needed. Cycles. Mine included: disappointment (in/of self), frustration, doubt (in/of self), no production or progress. Well, I’ll stop there; there’s no where else to go. I was stuck and I knew then that no one could help move me. I was so consumed in myself that I couldn’t even move myself. I had lost control over what I had the capacity to control; perhaps, I had surrendered that control. I don’t know if anyone else could tell what I was going through based on my interactions with them (unless I shared my situation with them) because I tried not to change how I treated others based on how I was treating myself – because I did have control over that…
Anyways, I’ve learned more about myself than I intended to learn and it took longer than I thought it should, but learning and being grateful for it is a great place to be. One of my mentors asked me, “What is the lesson of this experience?” I had no idea what that lesson was, at the time. I believe I’m still learning and some of those things are:
1. Get and be clear about what you have and what you want to give.
2. Loving yourself will help you to love others; especially those who reject you. [I rejected myself out of frustration of not understanding myself]
3. Do what you love doing and don’t compare yourself to others.
4. Honor your peace. Accept what brings you good. You don’t have to accept/embrace all that comes to you, especially your own thoughts.
5. It’s okay not to know, right now. [hence, ‘the process’ – ‘the journey’]
6. During my frustration, I felt miserable (internally) and I can describe it as holding my breath. This part of my journey is teaching me that I had to go through that in order to appreciate ‘breathing’.
7. What I thought I couldn’t do, I’m learning that I can because my perspective is changing. God is teaching me about confidence.
8. Accepting self is true freedom.
9. I won’t always get things right but I can always give my best. Preference is different from deeming something wrong. Learning is a process, rarely do we get taught and learn all in the same location. Application of lessons learned will grow you; get you out of stuck.
10. Have faith; there is purpose. It will take time to understand it…’but in all your getting, get understanding.’
If you are struggling with getting out of being and staying stuck…Check out Pastor DeForest B. Soaries Jr. blog about the July makeover challenge. There is practical action items to help us understand the need of setting goals and then how to be persistent in accomplishing them: http://www.mydfree.blogspot.com/
Thank you all for continuing to journey with me and I pray that as we journey together that we will share in each others’ growth and progression. Thank you for subscribing, commenting, all the support, love and encouragement that you give to me and others! It is greatly appreciated. This, here, is not the end. Let us journey on through faith and fortitude. There is…
As always – stay blessed, a blessing & encouraged!