I’ve heard it said, “hindsight is always 20/20”, this has always troubled me to a certain extent. Why is it that we must wait until after we’ve survived things, in order to understand them – gain some clarity? We all have gone through something that frustrates us…
One of my greatest voids, I found it, in college. Hindsight doesn’t always shine in 20/20 for me, I mean, it wasn’t like I woke up one day and thought, “it would be good for you to live in a cycle of frustration that you, alone, will cause.” All I can remember is a feeling of wandering.
What ever happened to my desire for you? Where did my effort find a place to hide? Who am I becoming without accomplishing in your sphere of influence? When will I learn?
I didn’t do well in college…I haven’t even finished, yet but hindsight’s teases of how I could have done things differently to live differently now, ring loudly for me, now. The thing about this is that I could have done differently, been accomplished inside of the classroom (a scholar, even) and that feeling of wandering could still linger; the outcome of what could have been will never be realized. The lessons that I’ve learned from hindsight are: when you feel something, it’s ok to feel it but do what’s right, regardless; understanding isn’t equivalent to mere knowing and don’t give up because your ‘not yet’ is more prevalent than your ‘next thing’.
I obeyed the roar of my emotions over and against reason. I did nothing because I didn’t feel like it and I’ve learned that doing nothing is never enough. Time has passed but opportunity hasn’t. I can’t give up on what can be because of what was. It’s time for me to go back different and differently, change it and have whatever hindsight teases me about – obey me; I have some things to teach my past.
***This post is part of Write Your Ass Off April, a Twenties Unscripted 10-Day Writing Challenge #WYAOApril. Learn more by visiting: http://www.twentiesunscripted.com.***